Chi Kang Pai
UCLA Exchange: The meaning of life and walk.
June 25, 2023 · Thoughts, Life
I never enjoyed walking in Taiwan. Firstly, the weather—humid summers and rainy winters made it unpleasant. But the sunny spring in Los Angeles was pleasant without making me sweat excessively. Then, the atmosphere. In Taipei, I always felt like I had to be responsible for my time to the point of self-critique. It seemed like spending a few extra minutes commuting meant less time for serious work. While valuing time extremely isn't a bad attitude, if it becomes uncomfortable, it might be time to change the environment and adjust the pace. Time is still very important and should be spent on “meaningful” things.
But what really counts as meaningful?
The things that matter aren’t necessarily the ones people would call “important.” Having coffee with a friend matters. You won’t feel later like that was a waste of time.
In Paul Graham's essay "Life is short," what he considers meaningful are the things we won’t feel were a waste afterward. Conversely, the rest might just be bullshit. As a child, I never pondered what was important because the environment always told me that doing well in school was the most important, and it seemed that just doing well there would make life smooth. But as I faced increasingly complex issues, I realized that the world had arranged too many tasks for us, and sometimes it was impossible to complete all of them.
I think walking back then was meaningful. I started listening to podcasts. From Stock Cancer discussing stocks and life to travel shows, from journalism to startups to educational equality to love. From Chinese to English, I even went so far as to get Audible and listen to books. I walked countless times along the coastlines of Southern California, watched dozens of sunsets, and counted thousands of palm trees. The background sounds weren't from seagulls and waves but from podcasters who seemed like friends whispering in my ears. I enjoyed the interaction between the thoughts in my mind and the words in my ears, feeling incredibly free.
While walking, I saw homeless people on the streets, massive TV billboards, and robots delivering food on campus. I could ask many questions, enjoying the excitement curiosity brought me. These questions were things I previously couldn't reach because most of the time I seemed busy, avoiding questions, repressing curiosity, leaving only anxiety behind. In Taipei, I would walk when anxious, from unfinished homework to family troubles, occasionally relieving some stress through walking. But I felt that this anxiety was sometimes meaningless, and those pacing nights were frustrating. During the exchange, seemingly unproductive walking was meaningful to me, but suffering painfully from unnecessary homework was bullshit. In these one or two months of walking, I learned: I should try to find things I can enjoy to create meaning. Enjoying the sun and the beach, curiosity and knowledge, as well as stress and setbacks.
Movie About Time
When I'm not anxious while walking but enjoying the moment of the walk, I discover how such a simple thing can bring happiness. And what's really important isn't whether I'm lonely, whether I'm walking, whether it has meaning, but whether I can enjoy the meaning I create.